I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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