not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
