Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
