I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
