The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
4 words: hood of his car
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
