I met the friendliest cop last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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