I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
