put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
