omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
