Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
