Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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