The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
