Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize