Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
