Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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