As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
