the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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