Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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