He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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