No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
