Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
