Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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