All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
