You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
