addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
