2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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