last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
