My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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