I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
