party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
