i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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