How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
