I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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