I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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