It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
