hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
third nipple confirmed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
