i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
