It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I puked a lego.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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