Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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