I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
