I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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