Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
