I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize