No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
