I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
