So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
