Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
