No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
