so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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