and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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