She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
