yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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