i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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