My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
