Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
