$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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