i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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