I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
