I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
