I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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