Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
