Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
