Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
