i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
