Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
