when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
