Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
