DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
