First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
