If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
