Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
