think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize