Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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