how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
