I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
